That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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