THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
