My boss' voice literally gives me gas
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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