she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
