Can i not drive my cunt home
where does the pee come out of this thing
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
