She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
