yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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