So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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