Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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