Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
