You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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