I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my liver is dry heaving
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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