I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
