you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
