Buhtt sex?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
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I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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