This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
