Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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