Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
