So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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