You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
