pop tarts are not kleenex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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