wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
