I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
