from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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