If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
