Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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