but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I forget how to act sober
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
