He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
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