Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
