Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
