great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
