I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
