just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
