did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
