yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
