You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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