You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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