so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Enjoy the penises
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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