Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
