Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
