help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
