lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
