...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
