Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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