trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
