May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
