in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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