did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he thought i was a dude.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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