She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
