my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
