dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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