How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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