she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's get the cat blown out
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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