.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think people are normalizing furries
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
