very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
