It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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