i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
