Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
