She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pants are for mortals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
