I just saw a hot homeless man
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
