While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
