BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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