idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.