I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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