dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize