I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
