Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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