you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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