I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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