whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
