Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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