Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
