Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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