Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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