i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
