Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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