I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
