If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
