So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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