maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost