dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.