Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
