He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.