Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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