so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's the barista slut.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.