i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..