Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life