I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
